The Tale of the Good Day

Some of the best days in college just sneak up on you sometimes. For example: the day I had a few days ago.

 I woke up around 10 for my usual Wednesday prep before my journalism class. This includes this the following.
1. Slowly climbing out of bed trying not to get myself killed in a half-awake state because I'm on the top bunk.

2. Showering. (Yea this one is not too exciting.)

3. Deciding what I want to wear for the day. This one is a toughy because of all of my options of tshirts and jeans and whatnot.

4. The decision on how bad I really want to go to class. Typically it's not much of a debate, but there is always somewhat of a debate.

Now after all this debate, I typically have a bit of time before I actually have class so I noodle around in front of the computer. I'm pretty good about checking my email, however on this particular Wednesday, I did not. So, I make my blustery three minute trek to the journalism building.

And after this wonderful walk and making my way through the building I come upon a wonderful sign stuck upon the door of my journalism class. And this was my reaction.

So, my walk back to my dorm was rather enjoyable.

As I reenter my dorm room and plop down in my favorite spot in front of my computer, I go to check my email to see if an email was sent out and I was too dumb to check for it. There was, of course, but I got another surprise as I see another email for another one of my classes that day saying that that class was cancelled. To say the least, I went into a happy coma.

So yea, that's pretty much been the best day of college yet.

The Do Not Touch Conundrum

So, for a few of my classes we have gone to different museums and places that have very large glass windows and signs that say DO NOT TOUCH. Lemme tell you about my thought process when I see a sign that says DO NOT TOUCH.
First my brain goes like this:

Yes, my brain does have a ponytail. But anyways, then after I look at whatever is for a certain period of time being about five seconds, not allowed to be touched my mind slowly swirls into why can't I touch it?

Then, after about ten more seconds the why can't I touch it turns into extreme desire. My brain immediately goes into a debate with the rational and irrational sides. The rational side argues that there is a reason for the sign and I really shouldn't touch it. The irrational side argues that the sign is merely a guideline and not a real rule.

Eventually the rational side wins because I don't want to get kicked out of the museum and what not. But you know if I could this is what I really would at a museum when the sign says DO NOT TOUCH.

The Quest for the Bunny

There is quite a bit of wildlife where I go to school. And by wildlife I mean squirrels, chipmunks, and bunnies. These aren't your normal squirrels, chipmunks, and bunnies either. They are not afraid of humans at all. They just stare at you as you get closer to them, it's like you're playing a game of chicken in which the first person to run away loses. So, because of this ability to get really close without them getting scared of me and my friends have created a quest to catch one of the bunnies. (In reality it's only me on this quest, but my friends typically are there when I chase after them so they're involved by proximity.) The reason I chose bunnies is because I feel like the squirrel would maul me if I caught one and the chipmunks move at the speed of light so that quest would be impossible.
Now, to get started here are the friends involved in this quest:

So, this quest began on one dark starry evening because typically one only sees these bunnies at night. Another reason as to why I chose bunnies is because they are so freaking cute. I mean look at this thing:

I mean, look at that thing. Isn't just the cutest thing you've ever seen? . . . Anyways, I knew the moment our eyes met that night I just had to catch it:

See the thing is about bunnies that a lot of people don't tell you is that they are fast as hell. They're like cheetahs only they aren't big and really cheetah like at all except for the speed. If a bunny looked like a cheetah it would look like this:

Anyways, so I attempt to stalk up behind this bunny all stealthy like...which really is just me stomping up behind the bunny. My attempted stealth is more like me being less loud, but still loud nonetheless.

Yes, the leaves go boom when you step on them down here. And, as I attempted to creep up behind this bunny I got about five feet away before it hopped five feet further away from me. I tried again and the same thing happened. So, I finally gave up and sprinted after it to which it responded to bounding away from me like a graceful cheetah laughing at my slowness.
But, after my many failed attempts my friend Ben attempted to give it a try. Now let me tell you something about Ben, he is freaking fast.

That's right, he's so fast that you can barely even see him. (This may be a bit of the dramatization.) Anyways, Ben chased the bunny around in a very angular circle, almost matching it's cheetah like speed. He almost caught it too, but then he fell down and the bunny bounded off into the night.
This quest has continued many weeks now. Every time I see a bunny I pretty much sprint after it even though I don't have it's cheetah like speed. But, this would be me if I caught a bunny:

So, sadly for now this will be me bunniless.

Till next time ya'll!

The Levels of Lazy

As I have stated many times in the past posts I have the potential for mass amounts of lazy. So, to give you a reference point I have created the Levels of Lazy. There are five levels to my scale. So let's just dive right in.
1.

The first level is not being lazy pretty much. It's having the motivation to haul yourself out of bed and do anything and everything that comes your way. It's like being superman without all the awesome abilities, but still trying to do things like lift cars and fly anyways because you are so motivated.

2.

This is the level that I am typically at in the middle of the day in between classes. I am never a level one ever. I cannot fly nor lift a car and I don't want to try, I am perfectly okay with this level. This is what a typical motivated not crazy student is like. Level one is for the insane. Level two is for the not necessarily normal but definitely not insane people.

3.

This level is for those who still want to try and attain a grade above a C or those who just want to be mediocre. This is the level I get at at least once a week. There is always one day where I spend the majority of my day at a level four (oh, you will see in second what that is) and then become this level at night.

4.

Yep, this is level four. You will have at least five days like this in a month. I promise you. This is where all you simply can do is sit and watch tv or be on a computer or just do nothing. It's rather glorious while it's happening until you realize that you actually had shit to do and you bump yourself up to def-com level three.

5.

This level the only thing that you are capable to do is breath and focus on that. You are so incredibly lazy that you are incapable of moving at all. You just lay and focus on not killing yourself by not breathing. This happens at least once a month. It's a needed stage of self-preservation.
So for future reference, if I ever talk about what level of lazy I am at the moment, refer back to this list and all will be clear. Feel free to use this in everyday conversation, the levels of laziness are a common piece of knowledge. You're welcome that I illustrated them.

Breakfast, to eat or not to eat.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day I've been told. But, when you get to college breakfast is really optional. I am not denying that breakfast is an important meal, it's just the one meal that's the easiest to skip. If you wake up late, you don't have time. If you're lazy and out of food in your room and you don't want to go to the dining hall. If you forget, this one happens to me a lot. And of course there are many more excuses, but that's not what this post is about.
This post is about when you actually do eat breakfast and what you eat! Now, being a college student requires two things mainly. Being cheap and eating almost anything.
For instance:

No I've never actually bought and eaten a grease burrito, I don't even know if they exist. But if a food item only cost $1.13 and wasn't exactly fast food I would probably get it.

But anyways back to the point of breakfast here is the list of food that is okay to eat!

1.

Awesome choice with milk or dry if you just ran out of milk and are too lazy to go get some!

2.

BAGELS ARE THE BEST! Iiiiif...you have a toaster. Which are illegal or whatever in the dorms...Sooooo you would have to go elsewhere to get them toasted...and we all know the level of lazy I am.

3.

OMNOMNOM....that's how I feel about this one. Theeeee bestestestest!

Now, we have discussed appropriate things for breakfast. Of course we must talk about the inappropriate things that of course I have eaten for breakfast before.

1.

These things are like food crack for me. And being so simple to grab open and just eat and walk away. But seriously they are not a cool breakfast item...they will give you stomach aches, horrible, horrible stomach aches.
2.

 These will be the most tempting things you will ever encounter in your existence. You will think to yourself, "Just one!" Then devour half the bag/can/whatever-container-it's-in. And then you realize what a horrible idea it is when you're curled up in a little ball on the ground in the ball of food pain.
3.

As sad as this is, it's true. For some reason ones stomach really can't digest this amount of sweetness as soon as you've woken up. If you choose this to eat, then ball of pain is inevitable.
So let's recap, first three options are acceptable. It will result in you feeling like this for the rest of the day.

But, if you choose the second set of three you could end up like this.

You really want to avoid the ball of pain as much as you can. It's the worst thing you could ever experience and people may think you're really odd if you just curl up in a little ball in random places and start screaming.

This is why I'm so good at walking, and standing in general.

College involves a lot of walking, as I have found in my two weeks here so far. You do have options though, but they all involve down sides. You can have a car, but you have to pay for a parking pass and if you park it in the wrong area you run the incredible risk of being ticketed. Believe me, I’m pretty sure the police hide in parking areas just waiting for you to park in the wrong spot.

The next option is biking, but that’s just a lot of work. First you have to have a bike, but then you need a lock because people will steal your bike. Then you have to lock it properly otherwise people will steal it…again. And then you have to unlock it…clearly it’s just a lot of work, and/or I’m just lazy. The next option is probably the best out of all of them. It’s the buses. The buses are in reality a pretty good option but I find them terrifying. For instance this is what the buses actually looks like. 

It’s a normal bus, besides the color really. I don’t know why it’s green either. But the thing is, is that this is what the buses look like to me. 

The bus itself is a contraption of evil as well as the driver. So in general the buses terrify me because I feel like they are machines specifically designed for idiot me to get on them and not know exactly where they go and then be dropped off in the middle of nowhere.

Soooo, the conclusion we should reach here is that I prefer to walk. 

I’m really not that happy when I walk though. There are two reasons for that, one we have already discussed. The amount I sweat versus normal people and the heat of where I live. That sucks. The other part is is that I have the balance of a one legged rhinoceros. 

See it can’t even stand up, it’s just laying in the grass of the savannah in defeat. That’s really what I should do, but I attempt walking anyways.

So my first day of college was the worst for my balance out of all of them. I fell down a total of three times; and it’s not like trip and fall, I just fall down. One minute I’m standing happily. 

The next minute my cerebellum decides that it needs a two second break and this happens.

 

Typically I don’t have time to scream, I just fall straight on my ass. This really happens, I’m not making this up. In reality this is probably some kind of disorder, but the good side is that it keeps me on my toes...or on the ground.

Awkward moments of college, and creative ways to avoid them.

College is full of awkward moments. Some of them actually awkward, others made awkward by your mind. As having been here for only a few days...I have experienced plenty. Here is just a sample of said experiences that have happened to me so far.

1. The "I want to introduce myself but your door is only half way open, but I really need to make friends so what do I do" conundrum.
 You have two options. Option number one consists of walking away and being that weird lonely person on your floor.

That's a picture of one very sad, not social freshman. This could be my fate. But, it has yet to be decided by the College Gods of the Socialites. Yes, the myths are true, those guys do exist. I have seen the meetings at Starbucks.
BUT! You have another option! Option number two! This option consists of barging into said persons room and introducing yourself in a slightly awkward manner. Hence creating awkward scene number one!

The door slamming is optional, but it makes the situation all the more awkward. They are indeed clutching their heart at the possibility that it might have stopped in the sudden fright of your arrival. But, you could have just made a life long friend...ooo memories. Now one may not find this awkward, but believe me, scaring the shit out of someone just to say "Hi, my name is..." is actually rather awkward.
Now here is my solution on how to avoid this.

Go through the window. They'll be so surprised that it will drown the awkward.


2. The "I'm staring at you and you're staring at me, but we don't say anything to each other even though we want to" situation. You simply lock eyes for a mere moment, but that moment feels like an eternity. Someone has to make the first move, but should it be you or them?

The typical thing to do is simply walk away, but the bad thing is that this could continuously happen for however long you are in the vicinity of them. For some reason your eyes will constantly land on one another until one of you either actually goes to talk to the other or one of you leaves.
The even worse part about this situation is the fact that it not only will happen to you in college, but really anywhere for the rest of your life. Sorry.

The solution however is very easy. Simply go up to them and...
 

Headbutt them. Everybody needs a good headbutt at least once a day. And if they didn't like it then you shouldn't be friends with them anyways.
 
3. The "You go for a handshake and they go for a hug" paradox.  You've met recently and you're becoming better friends. You're about to depart, but you can't tell if they want to shake hands or hug. In the spur of the moment you pick one. You picked wrong and now they are waiting with open arms as you extend one hand.

This may be the most awkward of all because the recovery for this has to be quick. If it's not fast enough then your blossoming friendship may be ruined. But don't worry here is my patented solution to avoid all of this nonsense.

Hug tackle! The hug tackle is  perfect for making a situation less awkward. Your sudden expression of emotion for that person overcame you and hugging wasn't enough so you hug tackle them. The arm extension for the handshake was simply a ploy for them to lower their guard.

BOOM! Awkwardness avoided. You're welcome.

It's not day one, but it's close enough.

Okay, well to get started I'm a brand new college kid and/or a freshman and/or a freshie and/or whatever else you want to call me. (I'm not averted to The Awesome, so whichever you prefer really.) But anyways, brand new college kid!

That's me jumping for joy! Look at how happy I am and the height of that jump. I'm getting some air. You know, in reality there should be some random shit behind me because I moved in way to much stuff.

Notice my expression has changed from glee to a slight hesitation. I did not know that I was going to need absolutely all of the shit that I brought. It's ridiculous.
So we stuffed my parents cars full of all of the crap that I "need." I'm pretty sure I saw some sparks flying off my mom's car because the backside was hanging preeettyyyyy low.
We finally get to my new home and park our two overflowing cars in front of my dorm. Important fact...my dorm is not air conditioned. The weather where I live is fucking bipolar...ALL THE TIME.
Example:

 See, everythings happy in this picture because it's a nice 85ish degrees out there. This happens maybe once a month in summer. It will also fake you out in the morning and look like this but then later transform into the version below...

See, in this one it's so damn hot that the grass and flower have literally caught fire. The cloud has been murdered by the suns heat and the sun is now a homicidal arsonist. This is the most common temperature which varies between 95 and 100. This heat sucks because not only is it frickin hot, it's also humid as hell.

Of course me being the luckiest person ever gets to move in with this heat, not the rare normal temperature heat. Not to mention the fact that I'm one of those people that if they are just standing or sitting in super hot temperatures they just sweat. A lot. So by the end of me moving in this is what I looked like. 

Yes, yes I am kneeling in a puddle of my own sweat. But my room is now all set and homey like. But, part of me still thinks it wasn't necessarily worth my body expelling most of the water it can hold. Yaaaaaay college!